Anyone you Know?

Any resemblance to any living individual(s) is purely coincidental. 

A man lives near the edge of a forest with his wife. The wife is a very kind person. Every now and then she would find an injured animal in their yard, and would waste no time bringing it into their home and taking care of it until it recovers. The man doesn’t mind animals, just as long as they don’t bother him.

However, during the winter, the wife brings more and more animals into the house. One day, it was a deer that was freezing and hungry. Another day it was a squirrel that had gotten buried in the snow. The pattern continues for much of the winter season. The woman had gotten so busy that the man, who was being neglected by his wife, was starting to lose his patience. Yet he doesn’t point it out since he figures that it would start calming down when spring comes around.

One cold morning, the wife finds a small bird shivering in the birdbath. She immediately takes it inside, but with all the other animals taking up space she had to put it on her husband’s chair that was placed near the wood stove.

When the man sees the bird on his favorite relaxation spot, his patience finally reaches its limit.

“That’s it!” he snaps. “I’ve had it with these beasts invading my house and hogging your attention! How about showing me some care for a change?”

“Honey, please,” the wife begs. “Not in front of the chilled wren.”

Keep your fork

Calories Burned While Bike Riding/Cycling

People often wonder just how much weight one may lose while bike riding. There are various calculators available to determine how many calories are burned while biking/cycling, but there are those who would gladly settle for an ‘about number’.

Well, their prayers have been answered. Here’s an approximation chart for various cycling activities and various body weights for a 1 hour period of time.

I wasn’t able to use this information as it lists such terms as light, moderate,vigorous, racing, etc. They do not list Forced cycling.

…………………………………………..Body Weight ………………………………………….

Activity (1 hour)……130 lb……..155 lb……..180 lb……..205 lb

Cycling, mountain bike, bmx = 502, 598, 695, 791

Cycling, <10mph, leisure biking = 236, 281, 327, 372

Cycling, >20 mph, racing = 44, 1126, 1308, 1489

Cycling, 10 – 11.9 mph, light = 354, 422, 490, 558

Cycling, 12 – 13.9 mph, moderate = 472, 563, 654, 745

Cycling, 14 – 15.9 mph, vigorous = 590, 704, 817, 931

Cycling, 16 – 19 mph, very fast racing = 708, 844, 981, 1117

Unicycling = 295, 352, 409, 465

Stationary cycling, very light = 177, 211, 245, 279

Stationary cycling, light = 325, 387, 449, 512

Stationary cycling, moderate = 413, 493, 572, 651

Stationary cycling, vigorous = 620, 739, 858, 977

Stationary cycling, very vigorous = 738, 880, 1022, 1163

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Welch Rarebit

I can remember hearing my Mom and Grandma talking about ‘Welch Rabbit’ when I was but a tadpole. I never gave it much thought as I wasn’t about to eat any thing that bounced around out in the yard. Rabbit rarebit, tomato tomato, potato potato – here’s a recipe for Welch Rarebit.

1 Tbsp melted butter
1 Tbsp flour
2 c grated cheese
¾ c milk
½ tsp mustard
2 bouillon cubes

Combine butter, flour, mustard, milk, and bouillon cubes. Cook over hot water until thick. Add cheese and stir over hot water until cheese is melted. Season to taste. Serve immediately on toasted bread.

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Aging and the Hearing Impaired

Pickle Queen keeps suggesting that I have a hearing problem. I keep telling her that I don’t have a hearing problem, but a listening problem and that if she would try to speak more clearly, I would try to listen more closely. 

The opposite is where the truth lays. I am getting very frustrated with her because of it, but she denies it when I confront her about it. To test my suspicions and to prove it to her, I set up an experiment. I stood about 20 feet behind her and asked, “Can you hear me, my love?”, but she didn’t respond.

I moved up so that I was 10 feet away from her and asked her again, “Can you hear me, sweetie?”

When she didn’t say anything, I moved up to 5 feet behind her and asked again, “Can you hear me?”

She still didn’t say anything, so finally I crept up right behind her and said in her ear, “Do you hear me?”

PQ irritably turned to me and said, “For the fourth time now, yes! I can hear you!”

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Meat, Poultry, and Fish Rubs

If you would like to make your own meat, poultry or fish rubs but don’t know where to start, try these before experimenting with your own favorite blend of herbs and spices that taste good to you.

Citrus rub – Combine grated lemon, lime and/or orange peel with minced garlic and cracked pepper.

Herb rub – Combine fresh or dried basil, marjoram, and thyme.

Italian rub – Combine fresh or dried basil, oregano, and rosemary with minced garlic and minced Italian parsley.

Pepper-garlic rub – Combine garlic powder, cracked black pepper, and cayenne pepper.

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Puffed Rice Brittle

We’re known for making different candies for various holidays and are always looking for new recipes. I ran across this one while looking through some of Grandma’s recipes.

1 c brown sugar
½ c water
2 Tbsp butter
¼ tsp cream of tartar
1 Tbsp vinegar
1 Tbsp vanilla
3 c puffed rice

Combine water, sugar, cream of tartar, vinegar and butter. Boil to hard crack stage (285º F to 290º F). Remove from fire. Add flavoring and rice. Stir until all the grains are coated. Pour into well-buttered pan. Spread in a thin sheet. Let cool. Break in pieces.

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Little Old Lady

The human mind is a wonderful thing. The older one gets, the more one remembers what happened long ago but can’t remember what they had for breakfast. With all the news about various states doing away with concealed carry permits and governmental people talking gun control, this story worked its way through the cobwebs to the frontal lobes and now onto paper.

A cop pulls over a little old lady for speeding and asks her for her licence and registration. When she opens her purse to pull out her wallet, he sees a handgun in the purse.

“Ma’am, is that a gun in your purse?” he asks.

“Yes, Officer, it’s a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver,” she replies.

“Please place that purse on the passenger seat, Ma’am, and don’t make any sudden moves towards it. Do you have any other weapons I should know about?” the cop asks.

“Well, there’s a Colt 1911 automatic in the glove compartment.” she answers.

“Okay, let’s stay away from that side of the car. Anything else?” he then asks.

She replies, “I got a .22 Derringer in my bra, but it’s just a little peashooter. Wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

The cop sighs, and asks, “Do you have any other weapons on you?”

Hesitantly, she asks, “What do you mean by ‘on me’?”

“Ma’am, do you have any other weapons? Just tell me,” he says.

“Okay, there’s a Mossberg 12 gauge pump action and an AK-47 in the trunk,” she tells him.

The cop pauses for a moment. “Ma’am, you have a revolver, a derringer, an automatic pistol, a shotgun, and an assault rifle. What are you so afraid of?”

“Not a g**damn thing,” she answers.

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Blood Lipid Levels

To lower our heart disease risk, we should know what our blood lipid levels are and strive to keep them at desirable levels. I find out what my blood cholesterol and triglyceride numbers are every three months, not because I want to, but because my doctor does. That means every three months I have to determine which is the good cholesterol and which is the bad.  Here is a refresher of levels and categories that you may find helpful. Your health care provider may have different thoughts because of your health problems, so check with her/him as to what you should strive for.

Total Cholesterol
Less than 200 mg/dL —- Desirable
200 – 239 mg/dL —- Borderline high
240 mg/dL and higher —- High

LDL Cholesterol
Less than 100 mg/dL —- Optimal
100 – 120 mg/dL —- Near optimal/above optimal
130 – 159 mg/dL —- Borderline high
160 – 189 mg/dL —- High
190 mg/dL and higher —- Very high

HDL Cholesterol
Less than 40 mg/dL —- A major risk factor for heart disease
40 – 59 mg/dL —- The higher, the better
60 mg/dL and above —- Considered protective against heart disease

Triglycerides
Less than 180 mg/dL is considered optimal
If your levels is borderline high (150 -199 mg/dL) or high (200 mg/dL or higher), you may need treatment.

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Orange Cookies

Here is a recipe from Grandma’s collection that uses real oranges to make cookies.

1 c butter
1½ c sugar
2 eggs
3 Tbsp grated orange rind
½ c orange juice
3 c sifted all-purpose flour
½ tsp soda
½ tsp salt

Cream together the butter and sugar, added gradually. Beat in the eggs, grated orange rind and orange juice. Sift together the flour, soda and salt; blend into the creamed mixture. (If desired, add 1 cup of chopped pecans or flaked coconuts to all or part of the dough.) Drop teaspoonfuls onto greased cookie sheets about 2 inches apart. Sprinkle with additional sugar. Bake at 350º for about 10 to 12 minutes (light golden brown).

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Overheard at the Doctors

Generally, you can’t hear what is being said in the next examination room at a doctor’s office, but I found a room with thin walls on my last visit.

An elderly man asked Dr. O, “Do you think I’ll live to be a hundred?”

“Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Soda too. I just drink plenty of fresh water.”

“Do you smoke?”

“No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke.”

“Do you eat a lot of sugary and greasy foods?”

“No, sir! I carefully watch my diet and caloric intake, and I’m sure to eat plenty of vegetables.”

“Do you go to parties? Stay up late? Are you sexually promiscuous?”

“Not at all! Early to bed and early to wise! And abstinence is key.”

“So…. Why exactly do you want to live to be a hundred?”

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