Ramblings of a Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can’t afford one. So I’m wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call “blue teeth”, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people don’t like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it ‘Pumping Rust’.

I’ve got that dreaded furniture disease. That’s when your chest is falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, ‘Oh, have you got a cat?’. Just once I want to say, ‘No, It’s for company!’

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, ‘An ambulance’.

I think that when you walk into a store that sells caps, and only caps, and the clerk says ‘What brings you in today?’, you answer, ‘I’m interested in buying a refrigerator’.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals. As for me, I’m just hoping that God grades on the curve.

Keep your fork

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