Hints From the Amish

Cucumber in a bottle.
When a cucumber is the size of your small finger, place an empty ketchup or dish washing soap bottle over it. The cucumber will fully grow into the bottle. To preserve it, put apple cider vinegar into the bottle and place the cap back on.

Chickens
To keep your chickens from eating their eggs, put sisel baler twine in the nests instead of straw.

Dish Cloth Care
Always rinse your dish rag in plain cold water when finished. This will keep the bacteria down, thus preventing those smelly dish rags. This is especially helpful in hot weather.

Canning Jars
Use baking soda to scrub canning jars with dried meat, sweet corn, etc.
Put a squirt of vinegar in water when canning and your jars will be free from water stains.

Odor Eliminator
Cut a lemon in half and put it in a fresh painted room. It will take the odor out.

Bacon
Try dipping the slices of bacon in ice-cold water before frying it to keep the edges from curling.

Keep your fork

Broccoli, Bacon, Cauliflower Salad

If you have traveled Amish country and have eaten at truly Amish restaurants you know how good their meals are. One of our favorite salads is their Broccoli, Bacon, Cauliflower Salad. If you have never tried it, you don’t know what you are missing. Here’s the recipe.

Broccoli, Bacon, Cauliflower Salad

1 head cauliflower
2 bunches broccoli
1 lb. bacon, fried and crumbled
8 oz. shredded Cheddar cheese
1/2 c. slivered almonds, toasted in butter

Dressing:

1 c. salad dressing
3/4 c. vegetable oil
3 tbsp. water
1 c. sugar
1/4 c. vinegar
2 tsp. prepared mustard

Wash cauliflower and broccoli. Cut in bit size pieces. Drain and add bacon, cheese, and almonds. Blend together dressing ingredients. Pour over vegetables and toss. Yields: 10 servings

Keep your fork

Asparagus Toast

We picked our first asparagus recently and had spargel toast for supper the same night. If you haven’t heard of it before it’s a German dish which translates into asparagus toast in English. If you like asparagus, you’ll love this.

Asparagus Toast

1 pound asparagus spears
Salt
1 loaf chewy, crusty farmhouse style white bread, cut into 3/4 inch slices
1/2 stick butter, softened
2 tbsp. Dijon or grain mustard
1 1/4 pounds boiled, baked, or smoked ham (thick slices from deli counter)
Freshly ground black pepper
1 pound fontina cheese, shredded or sliced

Holding 1 spear at each end, snap off the tough stem of asparagus. Use this spear ass a guide to trim the bundle with a sharp knife. simmer asparagus in salted boiling water 3 minutes. Drain and run under cold water. Cut asparagus to fit the size of the toast (only if you want it to look nice; I’m to cheap to waste good asparagus and don’t mind if a little hangs over the edges).

Toast 8 thick slices of farmhouse style bread under a preheated broiler 6 inches from the heat. Combine softened butter and mustard. Spread the toast with mustard butter. Grind the ham in your food processor. Spread the toast with the ground ham. Arrange steamed asparagus on top of the layer of ham. Top each toast with a few sprinkles of black pepper and a mound of fontina cheese. Return to oven under hot broiler and cook toasts until cheese melts and is lightly browned at edges. Arrange ham and asparagus toasts on a platter and serve.

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Ole’ Blue

I was talking to Snoozle the other day and he told me about his nephew, Swilly, who’s a graduate of┬áthe University of Alabama.

It seems that Swilly was halfway through the first semester of his Junior year and had foolishly squandered all his money so he called home.

“Dad,” he said, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Alabama that will teach our dog, Ole’ Blue, how to talk!”

“That’s amazing,” Snoozle’s brother said. “How do I get Ole’ Blue in that program?”

“Just send him down here with $1,000”, Swilly said, “and I’ll get him in the course.”

So, his dad sent the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money ran out. So, Swilly called home again.

“How’s Ole’ Blue doing son?” his dad asked.

“Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” Swilly said, “but you just won’t believe this — they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”

“Read?” said his father, “No kidding! How do we get Ole’ Blue in that program?”

“Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.” Swilly said. The money promptly arrived. But our hero knew he had a problem. At the end of the year, his dad would find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.

So, he shot the dog.

When he arrived home at the end of the year, his father was all excited.

“Where’s Ole’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!” his Dad said.

“Dad”, Swilly said, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually did”.

“Then Ole’ Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives over in the next hollow?” Swilly added.

His father went white and exclaimed, “I hope you shot that lying SOB before he had a chance to talk to your Mother!”

“I sure did, Dad!” Swilly said.

“That’s my boy!” Snoozle’s brother said.

The kid went on to law school and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman.

Keep your fork

Freezing and Traveling With Cheese

Did you know that you can freeze cheese? Yes, you can actually freeze cheese by following these simple instructions.

1. Leave cheese in its protective wrap. If you would like some cheese before you freeze it, cut some off and then make sure you wrap it tightly with saran wrap.

2. It is good practice to wrap cheese in newspaper or freezer wrap. This will keep the cheese from getting freezer burn.

3. Thawing out the cheese – Take cheese out of the freezer and let it thaw out in the refrigerator for 2 to 3 days. this will keep the cheese from crumbling.

Cheese may be frozen for up to 6 months.

If you bought some cheese on vacation and are traveling long distances, keep the cheese in a cooler or thermal bag if traveling for more than 2 days.

Will cheese keep during those hot summer days when traveling? Yes, it will, by following these simple instructions.

1. Have your cheese double-bagged when traveling for more than 2 days.

2. If you have air conditioning, keep your cheese up front where it is cooler.

3. If you are traveling 3 or more days without air conditioning it is advisable to use an ice chest.

4. Do not put cheese in your car trunk. This would be the hottest place.

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Carnation Milk

This is suppose to be a true story. If you’ve grown up milking cows, you can relate to this slogan.

A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with ‘Carnation Milk is best of all.’

She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this! She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled up in front of her house.

A man got out and said, ‘Carnation LOVED your entry so much! We are here to award you $2,000 even though we will not be able to use it!’

Here’s her entry:

Carnation Milk is best of all,
No tits to pull, no hay to haul,
No buckets to wash, no shit to pitch,
Just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch.

Keep your fork

Norwegian Fried Ham

We all know that it is simple to fry ham. But to get the best tasting ham you have ever had, you have to know this 100 plus year old trick that very few cooks know.

In your frying pan place about a half teaspoon of butter. Then take some ground beef, 80/20 is best, make a good sized patty and fry it in the butter. If you do not have ground beef (hamburger), any small piece of beef with some fat on it will work. Be sure it has some fat on it! Remove the beef when it has been well fried.

Now fry your ham in the mixture of butter and beef drippings. The flavor from the beef blends into the ham and gives you the best ham you have ever tasted. You have to try this little known trick to appreciate the vast difference in the taste of the ham.

Keep your fork