You’d Think I’d Learn

The medical profession around here may never learn. Last week while with my primary care physician I was being asked some questions relating to family history. There was a medical student from UVA with him taking notes on the visit. If Dr. Ross had read my chart he’d have saved us both some frustration. He asked, “Is your mother still living?” I replied, “No.” “What happened to her? he continued. “She died,” I answered. “I gathered that,” replied Dr. Ross. He continued, “What did she die of?” “Her heart stopped beating,” was my answer. Hearing a muffled snicker, I looked over at the medical student. He had tears running down his cheeks. Knowing he wasn’t going to get ahead of me, Dr. Ross started talking about a colonoscopy. Evidently he hadn’t learned.

This week I had to see my rheumatologist at UVA. As I was checking in, the receptionist asked me which doctors I was suppose to see. “Dr. Jeckle and Dr. Hyde,” I replied. “Jeckle, Hyde, Jeckle, Hyde,” she kept repeating to herself as she searched on her monitor. The receptionist setting next to her was biting her lip so had to keep from laughing out loud that tears were running down her cheeks. Finally I had to say, “Swamy and Lewis.” The second receptionist had to tell her that I was jerking her chain. The Pickle Queen, standing behind me, just laughed.

Looking at and examining my hands, Dr. Swamy had plenty of questions. You wouldn’t think that I could re-injure my ribs again by answering a simple question. Not only did I re-injure them, I also got a severe case of whiplash. Getting tired of answering questions, when he asked, “Are you stiff in the mornings?”  I saw my chance. “You bet I am,” I answered. When he asked, “Where?” not only did I get an elbow in the ribs that made the jab in church (see Butt Dust) feel like a love tap, I felt the back of my head hit my back between my shoulder blades as the PQ grabbed my ponytail. I darned neared had tears running down my legs. Evidently I hadn’t learned.

Next week I see my Ophthamologist and Nephrologist. We’ll see what happens with them.

Keep your fork

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