Words of Wisdom

  • If at first you don’t succeed..try doing it the way your wife told you.
  • You’re never childless, when you have a husband.
  • If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks..why is there a light in the fridge?
  • My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the road.
  • Sometimes I drink a glass of water..just to surprise my liver.
  • Childhood is like being drunk..everyone remembers what you did, except you.
  • Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who’s not buying it?
  • I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.
  • I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door..because I’m not a liar.
  • I’m absolutely convinced the socks that go missing from the dryer turn into extra Tupperware lids.
  • Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.
  • Ever look back and think of some of the people you dated or wanted to date in high school..and  see them on Facebook and think, “Whew! I dodged a bullet on THAT ONE!”
  • Nurses can’t fix stupid but they can sedate it or restrain it.
  • If your mate wants bright-eyed and bush-tailed in the morning..tell them to go catch a squirrel.
  • Your next yard sale sign should read..”Our Crap Could Be Your Crap.”
  • This is how my week goes; Mooooooooooonday, Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuesday, Weeeeeeeeeeednesday, Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuursday, FridaySaturdaySunday.

Keep your fork

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