The New Watch

I was up in the trees cutting firewood when all of a sudden Snoozle came walking up the trail from the hollow where he lives. He had heard my chainsaw and as we hadn’t chatted in a while he decided it was time to do a little neighboring. Not to seem un-neighborly I shut off the saw, turned two chunks of wood on end and told him to sit a spell.

As the usual chit chat started to subside, he checked the time on his pocket watch he kept in one of the pockets on the bib of his overalls.  I couldn’t help but notice that it was new and knowing that he is a lot like Gunther back in South Dakota, who also pinches a nickel until the buffalo poops, I had to ask him about it.

He said that he had been over in Italy for a couple of weeks looking for a new Jack (male mule) to bring new genetics into his herd. Wanting to keep costs down he had rented a motorcycle to travel between villages on his quest. He continued his story by saying that he got a line on a good sire prospect in a village about 50 kilometers down the road.

He said that about half way there he saw an Italian farmer laying next to a donkey that was grazing on a  hillside near the road. Being the friendly cuss that he is, he stopped to chat with the farmer. After a few minutes of conversation he said he asked the farmer what time it was as he wasn’t sure if his watch was keeping time. The farmer raised up a bit, reached over and grasped the donkey’s scrotum and said, “It’s a quarter to ten,” as he let go of the donkey. Not believing what he just saw Snoozle said he asked, “Are you sure?” Once again the farmer raised up a bit, reached over and cupping the donkey’s scrotum said, “Yes, it’s a quarter of ten.” Snoozle continued his story by saying that he set his watch and went on his way.

I couldn’t believe what he had just told me. I taught Livestock Reproduction, Animal Science, Economic Geography and many other subjects in my teaching career but never had I come across anything like this. I told Snoozle that this seemed strange to me. Snoozle said, “Let me finish.”

He continued by saying that later that afternoon on his return trip he came upon the same farmer and donkey on the same hillside. The farmer was still laying down resting and the donkey was still grazing. “Nice afternoon,” Snoozle said to the farmer. “Could you tell me the time.” Once again, the farmer raised up a bit, reached over and cupped the donkey’s scrotum. “It’s “Half past three,” was his reply. Snoozle looked at his watch and said, “Dang, I got twenty-five past. Are you sure?” The farmer was a little put out, but reached over, and once again cupped the donkey’s scrotum saying, “It’s half past three.”

“How can you tell the time by feeling the donkey’s balls,” Snoozle said he asked the farmer. The farmer told Snoozle to come over and he’d show him how. Wanting to know how to tell time this way, Snoozle said he went over to the farmer and donkey. He said he bent over but the farmer insisted that he lay down on the ground next to him. Not knowing what to expect but wanting to know the farmer’s method, he reluctantly got down on the ground. “Now grasp the donkey’s scrotum and gently push up,” Snoozle said the farmer told him. Not wanting to get kicked, Snoozle said he slowly reached over and gently cupped the donkey’s balls. “I said GRASP the donkey’s scrotum and PUSH UP,” the farmer reprimanded him. “Don’t be so gentle or you’ll never see the town clock sticking up on the other side of the hill.”

Snoozle said that when he got home, he bought a new watch as he didn’t want to fondle a donkey just to know the correct time.

Keep your fork

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