The Weather

  • Rumor has it that a new Miami baseball team will be called “Humidity”, so that fans in Florida will be able to say, “It’s not the Heat that’s so bad, it’s the Humidity.”
  • It was so hot this summer I saw a robin picking earthworms with a pair of tongs.
  • It was so hot yesterday, when I turned on my lawn sprinkler, all I got was steam.
  • A weather forecaster took a job in another part of the country. When asked why he transferred he replied, “The weather didn’t agree with me.”
  • Roger Miller once said, “Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.”
  • I really don’t understand why the federal government was so slow to send aid to the areas hit by Hurricane Andrew. After all, both Florida and Louisiana have oil.
  • The U.S. has only three hurricane warning centers – Miami, FL, Barrigada, Guam, and Honolulu, HI. In one month, all three faced Category 4 hurricanes… Which only goes to show: “If you build it, they will come.”
  • First cave man to second cave man: “I don’t care what you say. We never had such unusual weather before they started using bows and arrows.”
  • There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It’s called Monday.
  • What falls but never hits the ground? The temperature.
  • How to predict weather in Seattle: If you can see Mt. Ranier, it’s going to rain. It not, it already is.
  • Why did the lady go out doors with her purse open? Because she expected some change in the weather.
  • What happen when the fog lifts in California? UCLA
  • An honest weatherman says, “Today’s forecast is bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I’m wrong.”
  • It’s a bit “muggy” in New York today.
  • And last but not least, as George Carlin said: “Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.”

Keep your fork


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