Drunks 1, Cops 0

Drunk driving is considered a sport in Texas. Here is a true story from the Lone Star State.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Fort Worth, Texas. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man finally managed to find his truck and trailer and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he got the keys into the ignition and started the engine, switched the wipers on and off… it was a fine, summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle ahead a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left. Finally, when his was the only truck left in the parking lot, he pulled out and slowly drove down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.” “I seriously doubt it”, said the proud redneck. “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

Keep your fork

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