Thoughts While Splitting Wood

  • Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions filled while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
  • Only in America people order cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.
  • Only in America banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counter.
  • Only Americans leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
  • Only Americans buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
  • Only in America do they have drive-up ATM’s with Braille lettering.
  • Ever wonder why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin.
  • Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  • Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic’ Wins Lottery?
  • Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
  • Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
  • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called the rush hour?
  • Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
  • Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  • Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injection?
  • You know that indestructible black box that is used in airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
  • Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
  • Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  • If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  • When asked to name the seasons, why is it that we generally start with ‘winter’ followed by spring, summer and fall?

Keep your fork

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