The Birthday Gift

A woman goes into a shop to buy a rod and reel as a birthday gift.

She doesn’t know which to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter where there’s a shop assistant wearing dark shades. “Excuse me sir,” she says, “Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

The assistant replies, “Ma’am, I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes.”

She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, “That a 6′ graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line… It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s only $20.00.”

The lady said, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that by just the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it.”

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her… being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.

The assistant rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $25.50.”

She says, “But didn’t you say it was $20.00?”

“Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, but the duck call is $3.00 and the catfish stink bait is $2.50.”

Keep your fork

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Sausage and Cabbage Soup

One of the garden treats of summer and fall is stuffed cabbage leaves. If you love sausage stuffed cabbage leaves, then you’ll love this sausage and cabbage soup.

1 lb fresh bulk sausage
2-1/2 Tbsp vegetable oil
1-1/2 c chopped onion
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
6 c green cabbage, sliced thin and shredded
3 lbs canned tomatoes
1-1/3 qt water
2 bay leaves
1 Tbsp basil
2 tsp oregano
1/4 tsp rosemary leaves
1/4 tsp black pepper

Brown the pork sausage in a skillet over medium heat, breaking it into small pieces as it browns. Drain off about half of the drippings. In a large soup kettle, heat the vegetable oil. add the onion and garlic; simmer without browning. Add all the other ingredients and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer until the cabbage is very tender. Adjust seasonings if desired. If the soup becomes too thick during cooking, add tomato juice to restore desired consistency.

Keep your fork

The Rancher and The City Slicker

Here’s a story my friends back in South Dakota can relate to.

The driver, a young man in a Bryony suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a city slicker, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd. The cowboy thinks it over, it’s a large herd so he accepts the bet, “Sure, why not?”

The city slicker parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get  an exact fix on his location. From there he feeds the data to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

Within seconds he receives an email on his Smart phone that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his phone, and after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laserjet printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, “You have exactly 1,423 cows.”

The cowboy is astonished because the city slicker’s figure is correct. He says, “OK, I’m a man of my word, take a calf.” The smug city slicker selects one of the animals and begins to walk away.

“Wait,” yells the cowboy, “Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.” The city slicker readily agrees.

“You are a Congressman for the U.S. Government,” says the cowboy.

“Good grief!” sputters the city slicker, “You are exactly right. Was that a guess? Tell me, how did you deduce that?”

“Easy, says the cowboy. “No guessing required. You showed up even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about cows. Now, give me back my DOG.”

Keep your fork

Eagle Brand Dessert

Looking for a different dessert to serve your family or guests? Here’s a very attractive simple dessert that is easy to make.

Put a can of Eagle Brand Condensed milk in a kettle and boil it for 3-1/2 hours, completely under water all the time. Place can in refrigerator to cool completely. Open both ends when cold. Push contents out and slice. Put each slice on top of pineapple ring (slice). Add a spoonful of whipped cream to top of slice. Garnish with maraschino cherry.

Keep your fork

Flours and Their Uses Expanded No. 5

This is a continuation of Flours and Their Uses.

Quinoa Flour – This flour is one of the oldest cultivated grains in the world. Organic quinoa is high in protein, calcium and iron and is the most nutritious grain available. You can substitute this flour for half of the all-purpose flour in many recipes or completely replace wheat flour in cakes and cookie recipes.

Cream of Wheat – Is an old fashioned, all time favorite breakfast cereal eaten with a little sugar and milk.

Sapphire Flour – Made from hard winter wheat. An unbleached flour that can be used for breads, cookies, bisquick and cakes.

Soy Beans – These edible soybeans are a good soy nut snack. This soybean differs from field soybeans because they have larger seeds, a milder taste, and are more tender and easier to digest.

Teff Grain – Is the smallest grain in the world and full of vitamins and nutrients like protein, fiber, iron and calcium. Teff is mild and has a nutty taste. This grain can be used as a good breakfast cereal, a seasoned side dish or as an ingredient in soups and stews.

Millet – Like a rice, millet is a stable food of the far east. Generally those with wheat allergies find that they can tolerate millet and it is easily digested. It is alkalized where as most other cereal grains are acidic.

Flax Seed – Is a good source of fiber and omega 3 fatty acids and can easily be added to baked goods such as biscuits, pancakes, waffles, muffins and bread. Can add a handful of these seeds to cereal and granola.

Golden Flax Seed – The only difference between golden flax seed and dark flax seed is the color. They are both rich in nutrients and can be added to any food desired.

Ground Flax Seed Meal – Is freshly milled to preserve the natural oils and nutrients. Flax seed have a nutty taste and aids with digestive health. This meal is high in fiber and omega 3 fatty acids and can be added to your favorite baked goods, cereals and smoothies for an extra dose of nutrients.

Keep your fork

 

Things Your Dog May Worry About

The presidential election, the economy, the weather, global warming, GMO’s, their health and what’s for supper are just a few things that people worry about nowadays. When I was teaching Business Law I always said that we lived in a litigious society. Not only do we still live in a litigious society but we also live in a worrisome society as noted above.

As a kid growing up on a farm ,we had a dog as did most of the other farmers and ranchers. I can remember coming out of the house after breakfast with Dad and as we walked past old Tuffy laying on the porch, he said more than once, “Look at Tuffy. He doesn’t have a care in the world.” Thinking back to this, I wondered what a Dog has to worry about and came up with this list of things that your dog may worry about.

  • Why is my buddy, Rex, content to just lie on the porch day after day after his trip to the vet?
  • Is that cute little white poodle that lives down the road still in heat?
  • What’s broken on me that I need to have ‘fixed’?
  • Why doesn’t my human sniff the butt of other humans when they meet?
  • What do I do with a car if I ever catch one?
  • What happens if there are more kibbles than bits in my supper dish?
  • Why haven’t I seen my human lick himself?
  • What do I do if they cut down all the trees along our walking path?
  • Why do I always have to chase the ball? The stick? The Frisbee?
  • Why don’t I have a last name?
  • What if I’m reincarnated into a cat?
  • Why isn’t there a ‘dog box’?
  • If some big person scratches my belly, which leg do I twitch?
  • Who do I bark at if the mailman quits coming?
  • Why can’t I be on the Incredible Dr. Pol TV show?
  • Why is that pretty black and white kitty raising its tail?
  • What’s all those pointy things on that porcupine?
  • Why did they rub my nose in my accident when I was a pup?
  • Why do big people kick me away when I grab their leg?
  • Do they really think I’m fooled by that old pill in a hot dog trick?
  • Could I loose an eye if a bug hits me in the face while we’re out for a ride?
  • If they dock me, which appendage do I wag when they come home?

Keep your fork

Wait For Me

An old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and his fishing pole walking down the dirt road. “Where you goin’ with that pole?” he calls.

“Gonna git me some fish with this here fishing pole!” answers the kid.

Sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with a whole stringer of fish.

Next day, the old man is rocking on his porch and sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some duct tape. “Where you goin’ with that?” he calls.

“Gonna git me some ducks with this here tape!” answers the kid.

“You can’t git no ducks with tape!” hollers the old man.

But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the tape strung out behind him and ducks stuck all over it.

Next day, the old man is rocking on his porch when he sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some chicken wire. “Where you going with that wire?”, he calls.

“Gonna git me some chickens with this here wire!” answers the kid.

“You can’t git no chickens with wire,” hollers the old man.

But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the wire strung out behind him and chickens stuck all through it.

Next day, the old man is rocking on his porch when he sees the kid walking down the road carrying some pussy willows. “Now hold on a minute,” calls the old man, “while I git my hat!!”

Keep your fork