Signs Seen and Headlines Noted

  • Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
  • (In a laundromat) Automatic washing machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
  • (In an office) Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
  • (In an office) After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
  • (Outside a second-hand shop) We exchange anything – Bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
  • (Notice in a health food shop window) Closed due to illness.
  • (Spotted in a safari park) Elephants, please stay in your car.
  • (Notice in a farmer’s field) The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
  • (Message on a leaflet) If you cannot read this, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
  • (On a repair shop door) We can repair anything. Please knock hard on the door – The bell doesn’t work.
  • Man kills self before shooting wife and daughter
  • Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
  • Panda mating fails: veterinarian takes over (What a guy!)
  • Miners refuse to work after death
  • Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
  • War dims hops for peace (I can see where it may have that effect!)
  • If strike isn’t settled quickly, it may last awhile
  • Cold wave linked to temperature
  • Enfield (London) couple slain; Police suspect homicide
  • Red tape holds up new bridge (You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?)
  • Man struck by lightning: Faces battery charge
  • New study of obesity looks for larger teat group (Weren’t they fat enough?)
  • Astronaut takes blame for gas in spacecraft (That’s what he gets for eating those beans.)
  • Kids make nutritious snacks (Do they taste like chicken?)
  • Local high school dropouts cut in half (Chainsaw massacre all over again.)
  • Hospitals are sued by 7 foot doctors (Boy, are they tall.)
  • Typhoon rips through cemetery; Hundreds dead

Keep your fork

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