Think About These

  • Does anything good ever ‘go south’?
  • Is it true that the further behind you get, the more time you have to catch up?
  • If one doctor doctors another doctor, does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does he doctor the doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
  • I thought a thought but the thought I thought was not the thought I thought I thought.
  • There was a fisherman named fisher who fished for some fish in a fissure, till a fish with a grin, pulled the fisherman in. Now they’re fishing the fissure for fisher.
  • Did you ever wonder if you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • On mules we find two legs behind and two we find before. We stand behind before we find what those behind be for.
  • Mr. See owned a saw, and Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw before Soar saw See, which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See’s saw before See sawed Soar’s seesaw, See’s saw would not have have sawed Soar’s seesaw. So See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw, but it was sad to see Soar so sore just because See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw!

Keep your fork

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Breakfast Banana Bread

Here’s a recipe for a healthy breakfast sandwich for kids of any age.

2 Tbsp peanut butter
1 tsp honey
Pinch of salt
2 slices whole wheat bread
1 banana, sliced
1/4 c granola

Stir together the peanut butter, honey, granola and salt in a small bowl. Divide the mixture in half and spread on toasted bread and top with the banana slices.

Keep your fork

Isn’t It The Truth?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting trying to decide who was the one in charge.

“I should be in charge,” said the brain. “because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”

“I should be in charge,” said the blood, “because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away.”

“I should be in charge,” said the stomach, “because I process food and give all of you energy.”

“I should be in charge,” said the legs, “because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.”

“I should be in charge,” said the eyes, “because I allow the body to see where it goes.”

“I should be in charge,” said the rectum, “because I’m responsible for waste removal.”

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tighter than a popcorn fart.” Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache. The stomach was bloated. The legs got wobbly. The eyes got watery and the blood was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The moral of the story?

Even though the others do all the work, the a**h*** is usually in charge!

Keep your fork

 

 

Saving Melon and Watermelon Seeds

Melons (muskmelons,honeydews, etc.) and watermelons are two different species and will not cross-pollinate with each other. But, the various varieties of melons will cross-pollinate with each other just as different varieties of watermelon will cross-pollinate with each other. So, if you plan on saving seeds for replanting make sure that you plant different varieties far enough apart to ensure their pollen does not get into each others plants!!!

Choose large, well-formed fruits with good color and flavor from vigorous, disease-free vines. Doing so with watermelon is easy as the seeds are mature when the fruit is harvested when they are fully mature for fresh eating. Muskmelons are often harvested before they are fully ripe therefore you will want to let the fruit age about 3 weeks to ensure the seeds are fully mature and ready for saving. You will not want to eat these fruits!

Scoop out the seeds from the melon cavity with a spoon. With watermelons you can dig (pop) out the seeds from the flesh with a spoon, fork or by using your tongue/teeth and spitting them out.

Some sources say that the seeds do not need to be fermented, but just washed well with water and spread out to dry. Other sources says to let the seeds sit in water for a couple of days to help in separating the seeds from the flesh and to kill the bacteria that may cause problems in the future crop. If you choose to let them soak, make sure to wash them well after the soaking period.

Spread the seeds on paper toweling for a couple of weeks in a warm place to dry. Test for dryness by snapping a seed or two in half. If they snap in half went bent, they are dry enough to save.

Keep your fork

 

Sandwich Spread

When it comes to sandwich spreads my favorite has been a ham salad (funeral meat) spread. The Pickle Queen likes a tuna salad spread on her sandwich. If you want a good vegetarian spread, try this one.

6 green peppers
6 red peppers
6 yellow peppers
6 green tomatoes
1 small onion
1 pint vinegar
1/2 c flour
1-1/2 c sugar
1/2 tsp celery seed
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 pint mustard
1 pint mayonnaise

Put the green, red, and yellow peppers along with the tomatoes and onion through a food grinder and drain the excess liquid. Combine and cook the vinegar, flour, sugar, celery seed, salt and mustard for 10 minutes. Add the mayonnaise. Put in sterilized jars and hot pack.

Keep your fork

A Dozen of Life’s Truths

  • The cloud in the sky that looks like a rabbit isn’t a rabbit, it’s water vapor.
  • Fair is where you take your 4-H or FFA project.
  • People who ask “How are you doing?” really don’t give a crap.
  • Jimmy Hoffa is dead. So is the Easter Bunny.
  • Alcohol and sleep will always be more popular than you.
  • No matter what you think, you will never win the lottery.
  • If you are having a nice day, watch out. Someone will ruin it for you.
  • Lefty-Loosey, Righty-Tighty doesn’t work on a blender’s base.
  • Except for driving, fighting, or playing video games, if you want something done right, ask your wife or another woman.
  • Your dog really doesn’t love you. He acts that way to get his belly rubbed, ears scratched and handouts from the table.
  • A smoothie isn’t what it used to be.
  • The preparation for a colonoscopy IS NOT the worst part of the PROCEDURE.

Keep your fork

An Unusual Personal Safe

I was looking at a new floor safe in which to keep my coin collection and got to visiting with a store clerk.  He indicated that his dad was from the old school but instead of keeping his money under the mattress, he kept it in his underwear drawer. He continued on saying that one day he bought him an unusual personal safe, a can of spray adhesive with a false bottom, so he could keep his money in the workshop. The clerk said that about a week later he asked his Mom if he was using it.

“Oh, yes,” she replied, “he put his money in it the same day.”

“Excellent,” said the clerk, “no burglar would ever think of looking on the shelf in the workshop.”

“They won’t have to,” his Mom replied, “he keep’s it in underwear drawer.”

I put the batteries in the safe door and now have more room for underwear myself.

Keep your fork