- The cloud in the sky that looks like a rabbit isn’t a rabbit, it’s water vapor.
- Fair is where you take your 4-H or FFA project.
- People who ask “How are you doing?” really don’t give a crap.
- Jimmy Hoffa is dead. So is the Easter Bunny.
- Alcohol and sleep will always be more popular than you.
- No matter what you think, you will never win the lottery.
- If you are having a nice day, watch out. Someone will ruin it for you.
- Lefty-Loosey, Righty-Tighty doesn’t work on a blender’s base.
- Except for driving, fighting, or playing video games, if you want something done right, ask your wife or another woman.
- Your dog really doesn’t love you. He acts that way to get his belly rubbed, ears scratched and handouts from the table.
- A smoothie isn’t what it used to be.
- The preparation for a colonoscopy IS NOT the worst part of the PROCEDURE.
Keep your fork