A Dozen of Life’s Truths

  • The cloud in the sky that looks like a rabbit isn’t a rabbit, it’s water vapor.
  • Fair is where you take your 4-H or FFA project.
  • People who ask “How are you doing?” really don’t give a crap.
  • Jimmy Hoffa is dead. So is the Easter Bunny.
  • Alcohol and sleep will always be more popular than you.
  • No matter what you think, you will never win the lottery.
  • If you are having a nice day, watch out. Someone will ruin it for you.
  • Lefty-Loosey, Righty-Tighty doesn’t work on a blender’s base.
  • Except for driving, fighting, or playing video games, if you want something done right, ask your wife or another woman.
  • Your dog really doesn’t love you. He acts that way to get his belly rubbed, ears scratched and handouts from the table.
  • A smoothie isn’t what it used to be.
  • The preparation for a colonoscopy IS NOT the worst part of the PROCEDURE.

Keep your fork


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