The New Me

I used to think I was just a regular guy, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist and responsible for slavery.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist because I plan and support myself.

 I went to high school, worked through college, got a degree and have held a job and am here not because I earned it but because I was advantaged.

I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobe.

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a member of the vast NRA gun lobby.

I am older than 65 and retired, which makes me a useless old man who doesn’t understand Facebook.

I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which makes me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture,  which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing,  cop loving extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merit, which today makes me an antisocialist.

I believe that our system guarantees of freedom of effort  – not freedom of outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.

I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens, which now makes me a militant.

If I were to believe that things will get better in the next four years, after what we’ve just gone through, then I’m pixilated.

I am proud of our flag, what it stands for and the many that died to let it fly so I stand and salute during our National Anthem which takes me back to where I started – I must be a racist.

Please help me come  to terms with the new me because I’m just not sure who I am anymore.

I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, new-found changes in my life and my thinking!

I just can’t imagine or understand what’s happened to me so quickly!

Funny … It’s all just taken place over the past 7 or 8 years!

And if all this nonsense wasn’t enough to deal with, I’m now afraid to go into either restroom!

Keep your fork

 

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