Having grown up in Iowa, teaching in Iowa, Minnesota, and South Dakota, along with a short stint at Ft. Ord in California, and now living in Virginia, I have seen temperatures from the negative 40’s to well over 100 degrees. Someone said that temperature is ‘relative’, what ever the heck that means. I do know that to the people out here, 30 degree temperature is a lot different than it is to the people in South Dakota. Here’s what I’ve learned in my 70th rotation around that great heat giver in the sky.
40 degrees – Californians shiver uncontrollably. South Dakotans go swimming.
35 degrees – Italian cars won’t start. You shouldn’t drive your Corvettes.
32 degrees – Water freezes.
30 degrees – You can see your breath. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless.
25 degrees – Boston water freezes. Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you.
20 degrees – Californians weep pitiably. South Dakotans eat ice cream. You can hear your breath.
15 degrees – N.Y. City water freezes. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless.
12 degrees – You plan a vacation to Mexico.
10 degrees – Too cold to snow.
5 degrees – You need jumper cables to get the car going. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
3 degrees – You plan a vacation to Houston.
0 degrees – Too cold to skate. American cars don’t start.
-5 degrees – You can cut your breath and build an igloo.
-10 degrees – Too cold to think. Politicians actually do something about the homeless.
-15 degrees – Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
-20 degrees – You plan a 2-week hot bath.
-25 degrees – The mighty Monongahela freezes. Japanese cars won’t start.
-30 degrees – Californians disappear. South Dakotans button the top button.
Below -30 degree – The kids call home from college. End of the world.
And last , but not least – When Hell freezes over – the President-Elect admits that Russia was indeed involved in the election.
Keep your fork