Church Picnic

A doctor was making rounds at a maternity ward. “And when is Mrs. Black’s baby due?” he asked.

“March 12,” replied his nurse.

“Right,” said the doctor. “And how about Mrs. White? When is her baby due?”

“She’s due on March 12, too,” said his nurse.

“Oh, and Mrs Brown?” asked the doctor.

“She’s also due on March 12, replied his nurse.

“And Mrs. Green?” said the doctor, raising his eyebrows. “Don’t tell me she’s due on March 12 as well?”

“I don’t think so,” said his nurse. “she didn’t go on the church picnic.”

Keep your fork

What Grain for Your Culinary Creation? – #3

This is #3 in a series in a series that started 8 Jan 2018 listing useful facts on several varieties of grains used in recipes.

• Corn – Corn (Zea mays) is the most produced grain in the world. As it is gluten-free, it is a key ingredient in many gluten-free foods. This whole grain contains high levels of vitamin A, B and C. Yellow corn is also high in two nutrients – antioxidants and carotenoids. Carotenoids, such as lutein and zeaxanthin, are associated with eye health. Based on 1/4 cup of dry grain, corn contains 152 calories, 2 g total fat, .25 g saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 14.5 mg sodium, 30.75 g carbs, 3 g dietary fiber and 4 g protein. There are many different ‘forms’ that corn may be used as, including but not limited to meal, grits/polenta, flour, starch and white hominy. Corn flour, as  an example, can be used in multi-grain bread and English muffins as well as in cooked cereals, mush and scrapple.
• Farro (Emmer) – Farro is one of the oldest strains of wheat which was widely used in ancient times. It has twice the fiber and protein as modern wheat and is similar to wheat in terms of health benefits including lowering cholesterol, maintaining blood and sugar levels and stimulating the immune system. Farro also contains antioxidants, phytonutrients, lignans and betaine. Based on 1/4 cup of dry grain, Farro contains 200 calories, 1.5 g total fat, 0 g saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 0 mg sodium, 37 g carbs, 7 g dietary fiber and 7 g protein. It can be used in making flour and yeast breads or in a cooked cereal as well as in pilafs & side dishes. You may find non-GMO as well as certified organic Farro available as a whole grain.

Keep your fork

German Meatloaf

I believe it was the Senate majority leader that said that “every day is a new day” about the current resident of the White House. I really doubt that the ‘current resident’ has ever eaten a meatloaf like we have. If you need a recipe for a meatloaf for a ‘new day’, try this German meatloaf.

2 lbs ground beef
8 oz can sauerkraut, drain and save liquid
2 c rye bread crumbs (5 slices)
1/2 c minced onion
2 eggs
2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
2 tsp caraway seed

Thoroughly mix together the ground beef, sauerkraut, crumbs and onions. Add water to the retained sauerkraut liquid to make 1/2 cup. Mix liquid and all remaining ingredients to beef mixture. Mix well. Spoon into 9×5 inch loaf pan. Bake 1-1/2 hours at 350 degrees.

Keep your fork

Doctor Poses

I don’t know what they are advertising but it’s the commercial that has the TV doctors in it. As they go through a list of things that goes on in soap opera TV hospitals, they show a female doctor closing the drapes and saying something like ‘scandalous affairs’. I knew there was an old story along this line and I finally remembered it!

A doctor had been having an affair with his nurse for sometime when she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know about the affair, much less the pregnancy, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and told her to go to Italy and have the baby.

“How will I let you know that the baby has been born?” asked the nurse.

“Send me a postcard with the message ‘spaghetti’ on the back,” the doctor replied.

Six months later the doctor’s wife called him at the office and said that he had received a very strange postcard from Europe. Upon arriving home that evening, he read the card and immediately collapsed on the floor with a heart attack. While the paramedics were stabilizing him for transportation to the hospital, one asked the wife what had caused the cardiac arrest. Still mystified, she picked up the postcard and read, “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti –two with sausage and meatballs, two without.”

Keep your fork

Blisters and Duct Tape

You’re out hunting and notice a blister has formed on your foot for some odd reason. You don’t want to end the hunt early, but you fear the wrath you’ll receive from the wife/husband when you return home limping because infection has set in. Here’s a suggestion.

Using a sterilized needle from your first aid kit or sterilize the tip of your hunting knife and insert it under the base of the blister. Press out the fluid, keeping the skin flap intact.

Cut a hole, slightly larger than the size and shape of the blister in some pliable cloth and place over the blister. Place a second layer of cloth on top of the first and seal this homemade doughnut bandage to your foot with some duct tape. No duct tape? What kind of sportsman doesn’t carry a roll of duct tape at all times? Hopefully you’ll be lucky enough to find a substitute tape or ask a buddy to use some of his/her duct tape.

Keep your fork

Spam Casserole

Having lived in Minnesota for 7 years, I think it’s my culinary responsibility to promote Spam. I don’t care what Pickle Queen thinks of the canned meat, I love fried Spam. After all, it is the most popular meat in the state of Hawaii. If you don’t like it fried, here is a recipe for a Spam casserole.

6 oz. egg noodles, cooked
1 can cream of chicken soup
1/2 c milk
1 can Spam. cut in strips or diced
1 Tbsp chopped green pepper (optional)
1 c peas, frozen tastes best
1 medium onion, chopped
1/4 tsp pepper
1 tsp salt (optional)

Mix all ingredients together and put into a well-greased 2 quart casserole. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, or until bubbly. May top with crumbs or cheese before baking if desired.

Keep your fork

A Strong Wind Was Blowing

A strong wind was blowing the other day as we stood on a street corner in Harrisonburg. Along with the Pickle Queen and myself waiting for the light to change was an elderly lady and a police officer. All of a sudden an exceptionally strong breeze gusted  between the buildings. The lady raised her hands and arms from her sides to hold onto the hat she was wearing allowing the wind to blow her skirt up to her waist.

The cop said, “Hey lady, while you’re holding on to your precious hat, everybody’s getting a good look at everything you have.”

“Listen, sonny,” replied the elderly lady, “what they’re looking at is eighty-five years old. But this hat is brand new!”

Keep your fork

What Grain for Your Culinary Creation? – #2

This is #2 in a series that started 8 Jan 2018 listing useful facts on several varieties of grains used in recipes.

• Barley – Being an ag instructor of German heritage I knew that barley is an ideal livestock feed as well as an ingredient used in making beer.  As for human consumption barley is great in soups, casseroles, pilafs or ground for flatbread. Barley is also considered to be an excellent ingredient for providing soluble fiber, which helps to reduce cholesterol in the blood. It is also rich in niacin and iron. Barley contains gluten, although the level of the gluten is much lower than that of wheat. Therefore, it is still unsafe for gluten intolerant individuals to consume barley. Based on 1/4 cup of dry grain, barley contains 163 calories, 1 g total fat, .25 g saturated fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 5.5 mg sodium, 33.75 g carbs, 8 g dietary fiber and 5.75 g protein. Barley flakes (hulled) can be used as an added ingredient, but not the primary ingredient in making yeast breads and in pies and pastry. It can also be used in pilafs & side dishes and as a cooked cereal (cooks in 10 minutes or less).
• Buckwheat – Buckwheat is a rich source of the amino acid, lysine. It contains high levels of protein, calcium, magnesium, phosphorous, B vitamins and iron. As it contains no gluten, buckwheat can be added as a substitute for wheat in baking. Buckwheat is also an excellent to pilafs. Based on 1/4 cup of dry grain, buckwheat contains 146 calories, 1.5 g total fat, .25 g saturated fat, o mg cholesterol, .5 mg sodium, 30.5 g carbs, 4.25 g dietary fiber and 5.75 g protein.

Be sure to look for the other grains in future posts.

Keep your fork

Whole Kernel Corn Muffins

After watching the Pickle Queen pour pumpkin bread batter into muffin tins and calling them pumpkin muffins, I thought why not pour corn bread batter into muffin tins and call them corn muffins. Then I remembered that Cracker Barrel has something like that, but they could use some help. Here’s my suggestion for whole kernel corn muffins:

1-1/2 c flour
1/2 c cornmeal
2 Tbsp sugar
3 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
4 slices crispy cooked bacon, crumbled
1 7-oz can whole kernel corn, well drained
1 c milk
1/4 c oil
1 egg, beaten

In a medium mixing bowl, combine flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder and salt. Mix well. Stir in bacon and corn. In small bowl, combine milk oil,and egg. Blend well. Add liquid mixture to dry mixture, all at once, and stir just enough to moisten dry mixture. Fill muffin cups 3/4 full. Bake at 400 degrees for 18 to 22 minutes or until golden brown.

Keep your fork

Oops!

Sitting in a doctor’s office the other day watching people come and go, reminded me of this story.

A woman holding a baby was waiting in the doctor’s examination room. After putting the baby on the scale, the doctor found him to be underweight. “Is the baby breast or bottle fed?” he asked.

“Breast fed,” replied the woman.

“Right,” said the doctor after a few moments of quiet thinking. “Please strip down to your waist.”

The woman took off her top, and the doctor pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped and pinched both of her breasts. Finally he said, “No wonder the baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.”

“I know,” she said. “I’m his grandmother. But I’m really pleased I brought him in!”

Keep your fork